I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
