it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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