She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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