So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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