I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
