He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize