Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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