In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
