If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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