if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
