As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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