put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
