tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
