I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
