Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
