So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
