Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
