Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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