we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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