When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
