Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
