Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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