is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
