so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
