this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
