i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
