I am spending my child support on dildos
He uses pillows to masturbate.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We had sex on a dog bed..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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