when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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