Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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