there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
