we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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