I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
