how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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