I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Randomize
