evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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