you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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