dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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