well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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