you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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