She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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