last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
