he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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