This is not my ceiling
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
