It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
