Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
