I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
