saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
