dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
