You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
