Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
