I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
