Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
