I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
