he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
