just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
