That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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