Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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