just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
