people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
