No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
