If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
