I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
