the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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