I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
