It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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