I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
