I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
