God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
