your room smells of hookers.
And success
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
