i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
