I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
