Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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